Where has this girl been? Why does she seem to have slipped off the planet?
Because I did!!
As most know I have struggled with depression in the past, and it has reared it's ugly head again.
For the last 6 months I have been just getting by with doing the everyday necessities. And pretty much hating everyone.
I am the most integrated and settled that I have been in the last 7 years. So it's not that I need to move back to Canada (sorry mom). It's just one of those things that pops up and I eventually have to deal with it.
This time it took a visit from my mom and a little tough love from her. For which I am SO grateful.
I have gone back on meds and the world is feeling like it is much more managable again. I am starting to see my way out of the dark cloud that has been life since the beginning of 2011.
I haven't talked about it because of, well pride of course, but also because I wasn't sure if I was depressed, or homesick, or, or, or.
So feel free to ask me about it. Be upset with me for being absent. I'm on meds now and I can handle it.
I wonder if it was triggered by me actually being settled in and knowing that I am going to be uprooted soon. I really look forward to having a bigger (MUCH) place but can't even handle the thought of integrating again.
Oh, and we do have a definite moving date. October 1. And all I can keep thinking is 'How will I move with no Ursi?'. No really. Who is going to pack all my stuff while I run around like a chicken with my head cut off?
So for now I will just keep throwing out things that I don't want to pack.
And taking my meds.
5 comments:
Hey, Sarah it's so good to hear from you!!!
I know Mom and Dad will be in CH about that time, but you could always fly me in to do the packing;).
I miss you and wish i could be closer.
Lots of Love,
Ursi
sarah! you are so not alone, remember me? the other emotional canadian sister in law? haha the one who takes her happy pills :) you can always talk to me, esp when you have a bad bay. nothing to be ashamed of. we feel things so strong, the good and the bad. our hubs need that in us (yes, they do, they know it...think how boring their life would be with out us raging havic on it....hhahaha)
i feel bad thinking that we've been going throught this at the same time and we could have cried to each toher, then ate chocolate to feel better, then get sad bec our pants don't fit but excited that we get to go shopping to buy new ones...see the pattern..up and down...haha
seriously, you are a strong mom, an amazing wife, bright, sassy, fun and out going. you are the sunshine in rudy's life, you bring so much light, heat (bawahhh) energy and light hearted into your relationship. he needs it. just as much as you need his strength
call me if you ever need to chat!
smile. you are so much cuter that way :)
And the older Eigenheer fit in that pattern! I love you Sarah. Sorry we haven't known the moving date . We comm to late but may be you like to have a rest from moving later on! Never forget, God is faithfull to his children. He will send an angel ahead and prepare the way for you and will bless you with new friends. We do not see it yet but He know them allready.And I prayed just a moment ago for that. Love you Sarah and all of you may children and grand children. Muetti
ursi's comment is too funny because as soon as i finidhed reading your blog i was going to write a comment saying that i'll gladly come and help and do all the moving for me, all you have to do is fly me down to the gorgeous swiss land. here's my husbandly advise: listen to rudy, he's usually right (ok, maybe 50-50) but if his words become be more real than your feelings, his stability will bring comfort. i guess it's kinda like us and god. but then again, i'm not a woman (thank god) and don't know the "other" side, so for now, know that you're loved and that our thoughts and prayers are with you!
chris
PS: thanks for being honest and sharing; there are so many people that struggle with things and feel they're all alone until they decide to share with others, so hats off to you dear sis!
YOU'RE ON MEDS?! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?!
Ok, I'm totally joking!!! Is this one of those jokes only I find funny? Without Sarah to be my "Filter for what is appropriate and what is not" I'm not sure.
Sarah I love you, I'm proud of you for facing life as you do, for not hiding that we all sometimes need a little extra help, and for sticking with me when some days I'm NOT the help you needed. I love you in all your variations and I'm glad you are my wife. And both you and Mel are right, my live would be very boring without you. You add to my emotional range on both ends...
Have a great day
Love, Rudy
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